The Plethora of Wonderland
by theNEWanias
Summary: Alice, 32, convicted of homicide in Reality, is rescued from jail and returned home to Wonderland in time to see her daughter fall in love, her tea turn green, and her husband almost retire from mischief entirely. Oh, and did we mention: hail Queen Alice?


Disclaimer: I own nothing that Lewis Carol did. the only thing I own is the plot.

A/n: This was a very strange idea that came to me last night, soooooo...if it's a tad bit trippy, i'm sorry.

"You're just jealous because my name's gonna' be on everybody's lips: a celebrity. Someone everyone will know." Alice said, her words bereft of worry even as she was being dragged off to the jail-house. It was a well-known fact that Miss. Wonderland was a bit…well, deranged. But she was beautiful, so she had been free. For a little while anyway, until she killed a man. Oddly enough, her reason for the murder was that he had insulted her queen. What queen?, everyone was wondering.

Now, Alice was sitting with her legs crossed daintily, a cigarette flicked as she went on about how murder was an art. The police man was baffled by the cigarette: it looked perfectly normal. Nothing strange about the paper or what he could see of the tobacco inside…and yet, the fumes that issued from it were a golden smoke…no wait, it was purple…no, pink. Oh wait, it _was _gold, never mind. He shook his head at this oddity, and decided it must be a trick of the light, as was the rest of this woman.

Bright blonde hair that had once been beautiful flaxen was now dead yellow, as if it had been fried. Pale skin and shallow features, and bright blue eyes that seemed overly-luminous. It was a scary yet somehow attractive sight.

"What's the matter guy, a little to much smoke for ya'?" she smirked, flicking the cigarette again. The smell of the smoke was making him drowsy somehow….

Alice chuckled in a tone surprisingly deep for a woman her size: she was rather petite. He was asleep. Now all she had to do was wait. And waiting paid off.

About thirty minutes later, a muffled _bang _sounded as the dirty grey cement wall crashed in to reveal a funny-looking, rather lopsided white rabbit dressed in flamboyant colors and a ridiculous neck ruff, a glinting golden pocket watch dangling from his pocket.

Following the rabbit was a tall man of great looks, his skin pale, his hair a violent shade of rosy purple, and if you could bare to look at him long enough – for his charm could burn – you would have noticed that his eyes were a frightening dusty red.

He smiled, "Alice, darling!" His open mouth revealed gleaming white teeth, two enlarged canines gleaming menacingly in the filthy light of the jail cell.

"If you call me 'darling' one more time…!" Alice closed her eyes with frustration. She hated him for that little peeve…although she had to admit, she loved him for it too.

"Watch your temper if only for a little while, Miss Alice! Please!" the little rabbit squeaked, his monocle askew. "We need to get you out of here!" he turned on his wide rabbit's heel and rushed back into the dark hole that, instead of leading into the cell next door as it _should have_, led into a deep, dark passage way.

The beautiful man held out his hand and Alice accepted it, her brittle fingers allowing themselves to be coddled in the big paw. His nails were painted a slick and shiny black, and were curved like ten little scythes, formidable as death.

After walking for a little while, the dark hall became steep, and soon, they were all three of them free-falling. Alice had gone back and forth between Reality and Wonderland so many times that the Falling had become almost second-nature for her, although it used to scare her. Besides, it was always easier to do when you had company. She sat still, legs crossed, completely aware of the man's eyes upon the exposed flesh traveling upward to her dangerously low-cut neckline. She was flattered.

"So Cheshire, how've you been while I've been away?" she grabbed at a small china cup of tea that they had almost just passed, found the sugar dish and the cream pitcher, and pulled a spoon from out of the Rabbit's ear and stirred her newfound beverage, making sure to tap the spoon twice on the rim of the cup after stirring three times counter-clockwise: naturally, as anyone would have known, that always made the tea sweeter. But if you liked your tea sour, add more sugar and stir clockwise. Don't tap the spoon.

The man looked at her face this time, and answered, "Oh good as always. Spot of trouble here, bit of mischief there, but nothing I can't handle." He smirked, his smile overtaking the rest of his visage momentarily. "Jellicle misses you." He added as a terse afterthought, grabbing himself a crumpet from out of thin air.

"Really? How is she? I miss her too." Alice tried to avoid thinking about what little guilt she suffered: leaving her daughter alone and unattended so often was one of those rare things that set off a wire or two. _No more_, she thought, _no more_.

"She's grown quite a bit. She's finally inherited my height, just like I said she would. Her singing is wonderful."

Alice noted every time she took the Fall how rude and crude suddenly melted into polite and solicitous as they entered Wonderland.

"She's glad to know you'll be home for her birthday, Alice. Sixteen is a big deal." Cheshire grinned, cynically almost.

"Yes, yes it certainly is. And I intend to be around for the rest of her birthdays. There will be no more going back."

"Clearly." Cheshire's eyes glowed becomingly.

There was a click and a soft thud as Alice's glittery red heels and Cheshire's leather boots hit the ground. They had long heard the wheightless White Rabbit reach teh ground, and they could tell that he had since been pacing, the gentle pitter-patter giving him away.

At exactly the moment they touched ground, a little _"pop"_ resounded throughout the seemingly endless hall, alerting them to the appearance of the little glass table. Alice always supposed that really, it wasn't the table appearing, but their eyes finally seeing correctly after being in the dark for so long.

Rabbit stood off to the side, tapping his large white foot impatiently as Cheshire shrunk down and transformed into a purple-striped cat, bushy and beautiful, while his wife Alice took two sweets out of the fancy crystal bowl from the table. It took her a little while to find the right ones. She unwrapped the pink one and ate it, and yelped a little as she shrank down, pocketing the sweet in her belt pocket.

"We must hurry, Miss Alice! The Queen –"

"Her _Majesty_ can wait for a little longer! I wish to see my daughter!" Alice had learned to understand the Queen's methods and beliefs, and she even accepted them now, though it had taken a lot on her part to wrap her head around them. But once you got passed that part, it was simply too easy to see that, in the end, she was right! She was the Queen: she was _always_ right.

Besides, nothing could be more important than seeing her daughter.

Once everyone was ready and down to size, they each approached the door, and when Rabbit inserted the large golden skeleton key in the lock, Handle awoke, his eyes sleepy and red.

"What is ineffable?" he asked.

Rabbit scoffed: security was certainly going down-hill with questions this easy! "If I could tell you, it wouldn't ineffable, now would it?"

"Very good Rabbit! Onward, onward…nice to see you again, Miss Alice!" Alice assumed that if he were able to, Door Handle would have doffed his cap.

They all proceeded through to the world beyond: Wonderland. Alice shut the door firmly, keeping careful not to let it be ajar. She ate the other candy – the one in the green wrapper, sour and bitter and not altogether pleasant – growing swiftly back to her normal height, and Cheshire returned to his manly form, his shaggy violet hair parting on either side to reveal two beautifully shaped lavender cat's ears.

Rabbit turned to them and said, "I will go and inform the Queen that you will be at your appointment soon, and that you are bringing the little one, I assume?"

"Yes, Jellicle will accompany us." Cheshire asserted his role as the man of the household. Alice let him do it because it was strangely endearing.

Alice and Cheshire walked hand-in-hand, side-by-side all they way to their little house in the Upper-west Crownlands, given to them as a grand wedding gift from the Queen. Alice loved the house and land, despite the fact that her Majesty had only given them such a gift to outshine all the other wedding gifts.

On the way there, they briefly greeted the Hatter and his Tea Mouse, who shook in nervousness at Cheshire, though he liked him better this way.

Then, strolling down the lane, they came to their house, and spotted Jellicle displaying her terpsichorean prowess on the front lawn for all who passed to see.

The grass was a beautiful shade of interchangeable green, emerald and lime alike as the wind blew. The flowers sang as she danced. "Jellicle!" Alice rushed to see her daughter.

"Mother!" Jellicle ran to her mother and wrapped her arms around her. She was happy to see her mom again; it felt like it had been so long.

Jellicle was a pretty girl, in her own way: her long hair was fine and bright platinum, giving way to two cat ears, purple and fuzzy, identical to her father's. Her skin was pale, but in the right light it would take on a slightly rosy tinge. Her eyes were big and bright and knowing, the color of poisoned water: gorgeous sea-foam green tinted slightly mauve. She was tall like her father, but voluptuous like her mother, and her temper was quick and hot like Alice's…though she enjoyed her games.

Naming her had been an interesting affair. In the tradition of all Cats, Cheshire had insisted on a four-part name, and lovingly, Alice agreed. Jellicle – for the angel that their daughter was bound to be. Electra – for Cheshire's Great, Great grandmother, who was still alive and would love to know that she still held some importance in the family, the old bat. Bombalurina – just because it sounded nice. Unfortunately for you, dear reader, I am not permitted to tell you her fourth name: to delve further into Cat tradition, the fourth name is always a secret. Sorry.

Jellicle Electra Bombalurina "Secret" had her fill of family greeting and began grooming for her trip with her mother and father to visit her Majesty, the Queen of Hearts. And besides, she hoped to see General MacAvity there: he was tall and thin, and his hair was ginger, his whiskers tousled in permanent disarray. His bright emerald eyes were always looting other people's thoughts with their piercing gaze, and his twitchy red ears were constantly rifling conversations he wasn't supposed to be in on for information. There never was a man of such deceitfulness, depravity, and obvious suavity. Jellicle was head-over-heels. He was a monster, true, but a charming monster nonetheless.

Jellicle made sure to apply a deep rouge to the apples of her cheeks, and used her most noticeable wine red pencil to color her lips. She dusted her eyelids with aggressive plum-colored shadow, and was careful not to over-powder her cleavage and clavicle. _Cute, not coy_, she thought. _I want the fiend to notice me, not rape me_. She adjusted herself in the mirror and then ran down the stairs to join her parents in the carriage they had set up at the front gate, thinking only of how to flirt with the General so as to win him over.


End file.
